An Experience of Agony and Ecstasy
This morning I was
sent a vision by a dear friend. I want to share it here then share with you an
experience that I have just come through concerning my baby daughter. It is 4
months since the Lord took my baby girl (37) home to be with Him. It was a
difficult time during those weeks of her passing and after. Yet, it was
moderated by something God allowed to happen in my life.
Here is the
vision. (given
during morning service during worship)
Vision on 4/22/2012: Anna dances in heaven to the songs that are played, praising Our Father just as we do here today. She wishes, as she looks down, not at all understanding, the look of sadness that shows on her Daddy's face as it appears, she smiles ear to ear. A smile so bright it lights up her entire face. A pure white dress that flows with her every spin it’s as if her every movement, her dances are moving from the tunes, instruments that we dance to here. She stomps her feet to the beat of the drum, she stomps in such a graceful way, but still as a warrior would. Each soft stomp of her dance, she sends down mists of joy, memories and love to get you through this circumstance. An instrumental outcry, where, on the inside Daddy your screaming, why? Daddy, I am here and I am everything that I ever wanted to be! Where you are, it was there that I felt I couldn't be. Here, everything is in abundance it goes on endlessly. There is joy, laughter and peace, feelings that I am promised will never cease. Thank you Daddy for doing everything that you do as I understand, I may not have been here, if it were not for YOU. Smile Daddy, I am here, I am safe and I LOVE YOU.
As would be expected, this brought tears to my eyes, tears of both
sadness and gratefulness. Tears of sadness because I miss her, but tears of
gratefulness because of what God has done to bring healing to a wounded daddy’s
heart. People have been great, caring and considerate around this event.
I found out on facebook that she was in the ICU of the Kingston Ontario hospital about
the 19th -20th of December.
At that time we had a family visiting us from Australia. A wonderful
family of a mom,(K), her daughter and
baby. Although God brought them through many trials to us, our only contact had
been online and it was quite an adjustment for them to come to America and come
to a home where they had only known us via Facebook, Skype and MSN Messenger. They came in November and were scheduled be
with us for 3 months.
When we got the news and 10pm via Facebook, even though I was shocked,
it was necessary to find placement for the family and travel the 4 hours to
Kingston ASAP. Our adopted family was very supportive as were a couple of our
spiritual children and our family was placed for a few days and we were at the
hospital by 3am hearing from the doctor the news concerning my daughters
condition and then going to my son’s to catch a few hours of rest before we
went back to the hospital to be with all the family gathered.
During the building of our online relationship with “the family” God
had spoken that we were to adopt “the family”, and they had accepted us as
adopted parents. Yet during this experience it went to a new level or greater
depth of relationship.
We kept in contact with them daily throughout this time of deep waters
and storm in our lives. When Anna passed
over we picked up “our family” and went back home. During the days between
Anna’s passing and the memorial service, God spoke to me that He had sent “the
family” especially to be here and minister to us over those days. I know they
might have trouble understanding and possibly even believing that, but it is
true, yet, there is more!!!
It has taken me a number of months to analyze all that went on, but God
spoke a further word to me the other day.
“I
have grafted K and the family into your life”
I want to take this phrase share what it means in this context.
Here is the illustration:
The tree is cut down
to the core through which the sap flows or the nutrition flows to the branches.
This is often called a wound. The death of my daughter was a deep wounding in
me, the “B” portion of the diagram.
In “C” the portion
cutting “A” is inserted in the “B” wounding of the branch or stem. In the analogy of my life “A” is ‘the family,
especially K as a daughter. “B” is my heart or father relationship, and
illustrations “C” illustrates the insertion of K into my heart as a daughter.
Once that is done the
old relationship as projected is cut off.(“D”) This truly happened, although
she will ever by in my heart but the level of relationship with my Anna was cut
off, and will only be continued in eternity. K has been grafted in.
The final movement in
this work of God is the sealing of the relationship by the Holy Spirit, represented
by the sealant or tar (“E”) that covers the double wounding of the graft and
the cutoff relationship. This seals all the areas of possible leakage, so that
the life from the trunk or branch flows into the grafted stem of the new
relationship.
In order to fully
understand let me make it as clear as possible.
- God chose to cut K and the family from the ‘other tree’.
- Although I did not choose the wounding of Anna’s home going, it came. For His own reasons, the Master Orchard Keeper saw the need to plant her in a new orchard, heaven.
- I refused to allow my heart to get hard at her premature death and her being taken from my life.
- God brought K and “the family” to my home for such a time as this.
- Into the wound God inserted into my life truck the stem of K and the family. I chose to allow Him to do it.
- He cut off the living flow of love to Anna with a clear Word that I will meet her again in heaven and He has her planted in heaven.
- He spoke clearly that He had grafted K and family into my life.
- He sealed this in my life and in theirs that the life flow of love might flow from me into them through a father-daughter, grandfather grandchildren relationship
This has caused me to
have a deeper understanding the grafting process in a way that is alive and
applicable to relationships on every level.
Finally, I love my
Anna, nothing will take that away and I will treasure her memory and the love I
had for her in a special place in my heart. That relationship will come forth
in a resurrected form when I go to where she is, in heaven.
Yet, I treasure that God has grafted into
my heart and love flow, my new daughter K. She is my awesome, rebel, PK
daughter, and I love her because she has been grafted in and is part of my
personal family in a way I would never have dreamed possible. I thank God for her
and have a living treasure a memory of how much God loves and cares for me, by
the fact that He grafted her into my depths of my heart. My heart is a home for
her and I love her.
Lord Jesus, thank you for my K, E, and Z; for grafting them into my
heart. Let that grow and grow into a strong branch and relationship that will be
healing for all of us. …. Dad
3 comments:
Honey what an awesome testimony. That so describes what I have been feeling inside but not good at explaining. Thank you for sharing your heart. Our K and E and Z are amazing and God has been so good to give them to us when we needed them so.
Dad thank you, this means so much.... Im still trying to take it all but wanted you to know I read it. Miss my dad evol K
:'( Dad I reread it and it got me crying i evol you always n forever. You are MY dad and i wouldnt change that for the world. Always ur rebel pk daughter K
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