An untold story.
She wants to say this isnt a bashing, this is me truly speaking. If you take offence it may be because some of it is so truth that you are wanting to deny it within yourself and go back in to that shell you hide in. Well please stay out long enough for this blog to make a difference. Before you read this, examine yourself, have an open heart and willing ears to truly listen, if your a true christian ask God to open your heart and to help you put aside anything that will block this from really opening your eyes. She hopes that while you are reading this, you feel as if she is right there speaking directly to you not in an antagonizing and vengeful way but in a soft tone so that you can hear her heart.
She realizes she will always be different. She knows her views in life will more than likely be different to most, did she just hear you say Why is that?
Well
that is what happens when you have to earn the privilege of even time
on the laptop while you that is reading this, can come and sit at any
time at your PC. That is what happens when you are humiliated night after
night, degraded to the last inch yet you that is reading this have a
nice comfortable life style and can be who you want to be. That is what
happens when you are told you are only good for one thing (sex) yet you
who is reading this can choose when or if you will do that with the one
you luv. That is what happens when you so wish to disappear yet you that
is reading this complain over little things in the bigger scheme of
things. That is nothing if you want to know more Im willing to tell u
but that will be in your ball court.Then with all that going on, to be taken to a place of true freedom, where she had a Mum & Dad that truly luvd her in every sense of the word. It was like giving a child a sweet for the first time, giving an innocence person sent to jail the notice that they are free to go, giving someone another chance in life. She was scared of course, as anyone would be if they are thrown in the deep waters with sharks around them. But day by day,even at times hour by hour she saw that she was important. Many times she was slapped in the face, she had gone from on extreme world almost to another and she never thought this new world could hurt but it at times did hurt her. It hurt when she had gone places with her new Mum & Dad, and they had talked to people as proud parents do but the people without trying or even wanting to understand judged her. Looked at her as if she was evil and a disease. It hurt because she was still so scared of so many things and trying to learn to adjust to the new world yet some people told the couple just send her back. One time it hurt so much the new Dad was helping a lady out and spoke to her in her car. The Dad said it was to protect her from anything this lady may not understand or bring in but it hurt deeply.
She
has never wanted to trust anyone she knew it was a dangerous game but
she slowly started opening, and every time she was hurt with people
being naive or not wanting to listen and truly help, she asked herself
why am I opening myself up to this hurt. Going to church with this
couple was a whole other story, noone understood the battle that was
raging within herself, how hard it was just to step foot in a church not
because she was evil but because all she had been taught that was evil.
And then people would stare, or put on a fake smile yet they didnt
kknow she could see straight thru them. One time at a concert a lady
bluntly ignored her as she spoke to the new Mum. She heard people
including pastors say we will pray for you as in the couple but not her.
She knew the couple had lost friends over her which she also put on
herself. It was her fault they had turned their backs on the couple. Yet
the couple kept at it. The Mum taught the her so many things, to the
simplest that it was ok to walk to the fridge without having to earn
that, or asking permission. It was ok to open the fridge door and get a
drink. Even the simplest of the Mum would sit on the lounge and say come
sit with me. She didnt have to sit kneeling on the floor, or be
standing in a corner with her head lowered. She learnt that night time
was safe at the couples house, the first night she slept in her room
(even to be able to say MY room was a privialge to her) she slept
against the door shoes on, bag packed incase she needed to escape
thinking the couple more the man would come in during the night.But that never happened, for the whole duration she was there, night time was safe when it came to the couple not hurting her. The new Dad knew he had to step back and be careful, she had been so hurt by males that he wanted to show he was nothing like that. He was amazing, she knows he had his struggles and it pained him to see this girl he had taken in as his own hurting from people but it was thru watching him that she realized he was different.
Well she could keep going on and on about the couple as to her they are in every sense of the amazing. Well time was during to a near, the couple were so determined to find a way for her to stay with them, all 3 of them contacted ministry after ministry, organizations, people from their country aswell as were she had come from, pastors, local churches, authors of well know books to do with the issue at hand, even a film crew about a movie that did a documentary similar to her situation but it always came to a wall with no we cant help, we aren't in that ministry any more, no we have no room for her to stay in a safe house, no no no no. The couple fought til the very last minute as they waved goodbyes. Her new world was crashing down and she had an idea of the road that lay ahead. As she walked thru the customs, all the pain came flooding back, why did no one want to help her? What was it that made her contagious to these people? She thinks some did not even believe and thought it was too much to be true, it really stung her. And then as she went thru customs, she turned back to give one last wave n that was it she crashed. She had to will her feet to walk one in front of another when all she wanted to do was run back to the couple, have her new Mum hold her tight as had been many long nights and take away all the fear. She knew what was to come, eventually people there would move on, would forget, would even reason with themselves that no they did the right thing but not helping etc etc.
She thinks on it now and softly shakes her head as tears roll down her cheeks. She really struggled with anger about it but she thought hard and realized it wasn't anger it was a deep sense of hurt, a hurt that goes straight to the heart that people didn't take the time to get to knew her as a person or want to listen but instead judge and allow their own fear overtake them. Because no one was willing to take a stand she was sent back to the place she came from. She remembered once a lady that was a pastor said, you are to show the people that are doing wrong to you Christ's luv in you. That she was to be a spokesman while living in hell. It flooded back when she had to return that maybe this was her life and she didnt deserve a free life but to just settle and be a spokesman.
She knows the couple are still fighting for her, she knows they are showing people and teaching people. And she also knows that again they have lost friends from their speaking out. Can I now ask do you take your freedom for granted because for this girl all she has is a fake sense of freedom. Yes ask how and what that is. It is thru her online relationship still with the couple, thru the very well known facebook. But then she gets upset as she sees people writing on it with such religion, a lady writing on there about her experience and she thinks it's not fair. She wants to be the one saying I'M NOT OK and this is why...........................
She
makes different albums of beauty, of pain, of things and people she
luvs not because she wastes all her time on fb but that's her freedom.
That's her reaching out. So many people take the tiny things for granted, be
true to your self on this one. If some one sent you a pic of a flower,
what would you do, admire it for a few seconds, say that's beautiful???This lady that is on her fb, at times sends her photos and this lady may not even know this but she doesn't just admire, she is captivated by it. She photographically memorizes it incase the photo is taken of fb, or her account is hacked into etc etc. She looks at all the detailing of it, closes her eyes, thinks on it, tries to think how it would feel to the touch. She does all that because that is her freedom, that is how she stays in touch with the "real" world. She so appreciates the photos more then words can describe.
She holds that thought of being able to touch real beauty and sighs, but as she sighs the throb almost shocks her body as it reminds her of her bruised body and that she is still in a real life nightmare.
A tear slides down her cheek, she softly breaths until the throb becomes a dull throb just barely as she continues.
She read a status that was put up, this one she had to work her way thru as it said " For God to work, you have to be in his Will" She said she had to go to the couple n ask as she thought how can she b in His will when she is living a world of fake freedom.
Her tears continue more heavily she starts shutting down, feeling so empty and feeling the words will never be able to describe her world she is in.
She hopes you have really listened to her heart. It is broken, hurting, and desperate but it still has a small voice. :'(
No comments:
Post a Comment