An Experience of Agony and Ecstasy
This morning I was sent a vision by a dear friend. I want to share it here then share with you an experience that I have just come through concerning my baby daughter. It is 4 months since the Lord took my baby girl (37) home to be with Him. It was a difficult time during those weeks of her passing and after. Yet, it was moderated by something God allowed to happen in my life.
Here is the vision. (given during morning service during worship)
Vision on 4/22/2012: Anna dances in heaven to the songs that are played, praising Our Father just as we do here today. She wishes, as she looks down, not at all understanding, the look of sadness that shows on her Daddy's face as it appears, she smiles ear to ear. A smile so bright it lights up her entire face. A pure white dress that flows with her every spin it’s as if her every movement, her dances are moving from the tunes, instruments that we dance to here. She stomps her feet to the beat of the drum, she stomps in such a graceful way, but still as a warrior would. Each soft stomp of her dance, she sends down mists of joy, memories and love to get you through this circumstance. An instrumental outcry, where, on the inside Daddy your screaming, why? Daddy, I am here and I am everything that I ever wanted to be! Where you are, it was there that I felt I couldn't be. Here, everything is in abundance it goes on endlessly. There is joy, laughter and peace, feelings that I am promised will never cease. Thank you Daddy for doing everything that you do as I understand, I may not have been here, if it were not for YOU. Smile Daddy, I am here, I am safe and I LOVE YOU.
As would be expected, this brought tears to my eyes, tears of both sadness and gratefulness. Tears of sadness because I miss her, but tears of gratefulness because of what God has done to bring healing to a wounded daddy’s heart. People have been great, caring and considerate around this event.
I found out on facebook that she was in the ICU of the Kingston Ontario hospital about the 19th -20th of December.
At that time, we had a family visiting us from Australia. A wonderful family of a mom,(K), her daughter and baby. Although God brought them through many trials to us, our only contact had been online and it was quite an adjustment for them to come to America and come to a home where they had only known us via Facebook, Skype and MSN Messenger. They came in November and were scheduled be with us for 3 months.
When we got the news and 10pm via Facebook, even though I was shocked, it was necessary to find placement for the family and travel the 4 hours to Kingston ASAP. Our adopted family was very supportive as were a couple of our spiritual children and our family was placed for a few days and we were at the hospital by 3am hearing from the doctor the news concerning my daughters condition and then going to my son’s to catch a few hours of rest before we went back to the hospital to be with all the family gathered.
During the building of our online relationship with “the family” God had spoken that we were to adopt “the family”, and they had accepted us as adopted parents. Yet during this experience it went to a new level or greater depth of the relationship.
We kept in contact with them daily throughout this time of deep waters and storm in our lives. When Anna passed over we picked up “our family” and went back home. During the days between Anna’s passing and the memorial service, God spoke to me that He had sent “the family” especially to be here and minister to us over those days. I know they might have trouble understanding and possibly even believing that, but it is true, yet, there is more!!!
It has taken me a number of months to analyze all that went on, but God spoke a further word to me the other day.
“I have grafted K and the family into your life”
I want to take this phrase share what it means in this context.
Here is the illustration:
God allowed the “the family” to be cut off from their old context. This is the “A” portion of the illustration.
The tree is cut down to the core through which the sap flows or the nutrition flows to the branches. This is often called a wound. The death of my daughter was a deep wounding in me, the “B” portion of the diagram.
In “C” the portion cutting “A” is inserted in the “B” wounding of the branch or stem. In the analogy of my life “A” is the family, especially K as a daughter. “B” is my heart or father relationship, and illustrations “C” illustrates the insertion of K into my heart as a daughter.
Once that is done the old relationship as projected is cut off.(“D”) This truly happened, although she will ever by in my heart, but the level of relationship with my Anna was cut off, and will only be continued in eternity. K has been grafted in.
The final movement in this work of God is the sealing of the relationship by the Holy Spirit, represented by the sealant or tar (“E”) that covers the double wounding of the graft and the cutoff relationship. This seals all the areas of possible leakage so that the life from the trunk or branch flows into the grafted stem of the new relationship.
In order to fully understand let me make it as clear as possible.
- God chose to cut K and the family from the ‘other tree’.
- Although I did not choose the wounding of Anna’s home going, it came. For His own reasons, the Master Orchard Keeper saw the need to plant her in a new orchard, heaven.
- I refused to allow my heart to get hard at her premature death and her being taken from my life.
- God brought K and “the family” to my home for such a time as this.
- Into the wound, God inserted into my life trunk the stem of K and the family. I chose to allow Him to do it.
- He cut off the living flow of love to Anna with a clear Word that I will meet her again in heaven and He has her planted in heaven.
- He spoke clearly that He had grafted K and family into my life.
- He sealed this in my life and in theirs that the life flow of love might flow from me into them through a father-daughter, grandfather grandchildren relationship
This has caused me to have a deeper understanding the grafting process in a way that is alive and applicable to relationships on every level.
Finally, I love my Anna, nothing will take that away and I will treasure her memory and the love I had for her in a special place in my heart. That relationship will come forth in a resurrected form when I go to where she is, in heaven.
Yet, I treasure that God has grafted into my heart and love flow, my new daughter K. She is my awesome, rebel, PK daughter, and I love her because she has been grafted in and is part of my personal family in a way I would never have dreamed possible. I thank God for her and have a living treasure a memory of how much God loves and cares for me, by the fact that He grafted her into my depths of my heart. My heart is a home for her and I love her.
Lord Jesus, thank you for my K, E, and Z; for grafting them into my heart. Let that grow and grow into a strong branch and relationship that will be healing for all of us. …. Dad
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